Have you ever been that person?
You know that person in the grocery store or on the road who just seems oblivious to anything happening around them, in their own little world, in a hurry, impatient, angry or aggravated, like it's all about them and they just don't give a shit about you or the rest of the world?
Have you ever been that person? I have. I have been that person...feeling entitled or arrogant, impatient or irritated, in my own little world, completely unconcerned about the reality of others, worried, anxious, unhappy, or angry with life.
It wasn't personal, but I carried my mess to others who didn't deserve it, and it may have felt personal to them. I've prayed on this over the years, asking for forgiveness. I've done ceremonies to heal and release the shit that drove that mess in me.
I still pay attention inside because there are still times when my inner mess wants to rear its head. It's pretty rare anymore, but it's still in there. I see it more clearly and quickly now, so manage it differently and try to keep it off of others. I know that this will be the case until I become enlightened. Will that happen in this lifetime? Who knows? But getting there is what Castaneda's spiritual teacher called "a worthy opponent" and I agree.
One thing I've learned: It's never about anything other than my own inner shit. I know that now. Heck, I've known it for years but I'm no saint. I still have work to do. A lot. I still pray, and heal, and forgive, and clean inside, every day. It's a life-long journey of the soul to reach a state of inner bliss and genuine loving…!