Relationship check-ins keep things real

Sometimes when we're in a relationship, we are so invested in "making it work" that we put aside things that are important to us. We sacrifice things that are meaningful to us. And we ignore our needs, wants or desire in order to keep the peace. Such choices are part of how we navigate each other's needs in a relationship but those strategies only get us so far. While give and take is healthy when done in a reciprocal and balanced way that feels good to both people in a relationship, trouble can loom if it gets out of balance.

We can't feel fulfilled by continually putting things aside that are important to us, sacrificing things that are meaningful to us and ignoring our needs, wants and desires. Eventually someone winds up feeling resentful or angry about what's happening. If we never speak about these things, we can't address them as a couple and if we're not careful we can end up in a relationship pit feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, resentful or trapped.

Open communication is an essential part of creating a healthy relationship. Even though we know this is true, it can feel hard to make it happen. What do we say? Where do we start? How do we share without hurting or angering the other person?

This is where my Relationship Check-In comes in handy. It gives us an easy guide to navigate the conversation. Everything we need to create the safety it takes to share our deeper sense of things and face the hard stuff is there. But it does take a certain amount of willingness, courage, vulnerability and maturity from both people to do. Download the Check-In here for free.

Checking in once or twice a year with our partner is a good way to keep things fresh, real and on track for growth and fulfillment. The Check-In lays out important ground rules that need to be followed for the process to work. They aren't necessarily hard but depending on our level of emotional maturity or defensiveness, they can be a challenge. All we have to do is agree to follow along with what's there...and then actually do so. If one or both people are unable or unwilling to even try, it may signal deeper issues that need addressing.

When we open up and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, it's natural for emotions to surface. It's how we deal with them that matters. If emotions get too stirred up while checking in, it's best to stop, take a break, give each other time to process what arose, and then continue at a later time. Long-term relationships require this kind of presence and nurturing to stay healthy and inspiring. They also need room to breathe, grow and change over time.

Remember that the reason to do check ins is to keep our relationship—our love—true, fulfilling, growing and most importantly, fun. If it's not, eventually we may not want to stay in it. Yet keeping these aspects of a relationship alive doesn't happen automatically. Relationships are dynamic living systems that require our love and nourishment to flourish just as any living system does. And they take involvement from both people to grow to their full potential.