Moving past resistance to change

In the heart of winter in the northern hemisphere we collectively entered a new year this week. Every year at midnight on December 31st we cross a threshold that closes the door on one chapter and opens the door to another. We set goals and intentions, feeling inspired and hopeful, only to see them slip away as time marches forward and familiar comfortable patterns resume. It turns out we are creatures of habit even when our habits sabotage our becoming.

Yet every year we pick things to change because we want to serve ourselves and our lives better. We pick things to change that weigh us down. We pick things we feel will enrich our lives. So why don't we see them through? What stops us?

Here are four common things that stop us and how to move past them.

It's too hard; I can't do it. This may be true, yet it doesn't have to stop us. When what we're trying to change feels too hard, it can mean we set our starting place too ambitiously. Back half-way out and try starting there. If that's still too hard, keep experimenting until you find something you can more easily commit to. Then go with that as your starting place and grow from there.

As an example, if we decide to cut out snacking after 8pm to lose weight, we may find it too hard to follow through with that all at once. Instead of ditching the whole plan, we can find an amount of snacking after 8pm that is less than what we were eating before but is still satisfying. Starting there is a first step to reaching our longterm goal of not eating after 8pm.

I can't stick with it long enough to get the changes I want to stick. Habits form gradually and easily by virtue of repetition and motivation. We know that building a new habit takes time but it also takes motivation, even when it's something we want or that makes us feel good. If we find it hard to stick with our intent long enough to see positive results, it may mean we need to fine-tune our vision or add something to keep us motivated.

It may take a good long while for us to reach the final product of our intent. Seeing positive results along the way is part of what keeps us motivated. If the new thing we're doing doesn't feel "good enough" (i.e., worth the effort) we probably won't keep going. To stay motivated we can modify things to allow for positive results more quickly, with celebrations of each step along the way. Even small gains are motivating! We want to take baby steps that generate success, feel good and keep us motivated as we move toward our becoming. An example of a baby step might be that we cut out a quarter of our snacking one night a week for a month (instead of all of it every night) and build from there once this baby step is firmly established.

I don't have the energy to keep going with my intent. Energy is a bigger part of the puzzle than many people realize. Patterns we've run for years don't break easily. It takes energy in the form of willpower to change them.

We need to invest more energy in the new pattern than is invested in the old pattern for it to change. This doesn't mean that we need more energy. It means that whatever energy we have, we allocate it in new ways. It won't be a perfect transition and that's fine. We give it our best day by day feeding our focus and our willpower into the new pattern instead of the old one. Once we consistently feed at least 51% of our energy into the new pattern, we're succeeding at shifting the old pattern for good.

I lack focus to follow through. A lack of focus on our intent can mean we're unconsciously avoiding something in the shadows that makes us uncomfortable...a memory, a narrative, a concern we bury—something like that. These things hold emotional energy that lives in our tissues, cells and bones as memory that doesn't magically disappear when ignored or buried. Instead, it festers.

Distraction—or a lack of focus—is a common default strategy our mind uses to dodge discomfort. The mind is a master at distraction, easily pulling our attention into endless thought streams and activities to avoid the painful or scary deep. Should we find ourselves in this situation, the remedy is working with a professional to heal and clear whatever it is we buried. Until we do so, we expend our energy on avoidance tactics that get us nowhere and thwart our becoming.

Generating success in our becoming takes commitment, dedication, energy and focus. What hopes do you have for 2026? How might these tips help you reach them so you can look back at this time next year with a smile on your face having had some success?

Remember if we change nothing, nothing changes.