Holiday tips for single women

I've been thinking about some of the women I coach lately because we've entered the holiday zone. It's that stretch of time from Thanksgiving to Christmas to New Years to Valentine's Day. For women who are in the throes of a breakup or new(ish)ly single, this stretch can trigger extra feelings of distress and overwhelm.

I understand. Being single during the holidays is a social taboo, isn't it? Everything around us screams it's only special if we're with someone special. And if we're not, something must be wrong with us because everyone else out there has someone special to share the holidays with, right? That's the social fantasy, anyway.

The problem

This kind of self-talk is devastating. We convince ourselves to stay home, miss out on all the fun and isolate in misery because...who wants to spend time with us?

When we feel betrayed and hurt, we convince ourselves there's something wrong with us or that we should be ashamed of who we are. What I've learned is there's no truth to this. It's only the power of our conditioned mind that convinces us we are not worthy of fun or love or whatever we long for.

And you know what? It's dead wrong. Have you seen the movie I Feel Pretty? It's a silly flick I happened upon recently and it hooked my attention because it points to something deep and important here: that we are who we believe we are. Check it out; it's worth a watch.

The solution

I'm here to tell you what your conditioned mind says to you about you is a fabrication, a poorly constructed image of who you are. I'll even go so far as to say it's a lie.

Do you know why? Because you are a child of God—the Supreme Source of this entire Universe! You are the only you here and you are perfect just as you were created to be. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

And get a load of this: our self-image is based on events of the past or expectations of the future, when actually who we are in this moment is neither our past self nor our future self, but is whoever we choose to be. In THIS moment, we have the power to transcend the past and transmute the future. Wow...that's powerful!

So don't listen to the fabrications of your conditioned mind. Put your true self in charge! Enjoy the holidays with or without others around. Whether you do or don't, it's all in your mind...

Six insider tips to get you through

Here are some tips to help get through the holidays with a smile on your face...at least some of the time:

1. Any time you catch your thoughts putting you down, say "Ego get thee behind me" and mean it! Then say something true about how wonderful and unique you are. It can be as simple as "I am thoughtful."

2. Make a list of all the wonderful, quirky, unique and loving things about you that make you you, and a very special you! Read one aloud to yourself daily in front of a mirror, or write them on your mirror with wax pencil. Add to your list any time.

3. Plan fun things you enjoy doing over the holidays and schedule them into your calendar. These can be as simple as a walk in the cool weather or as elaborate as a trip to see someone or something special. Follow through!

4. Pick one holiday tradition you love doing or have always wanted to do and make a plan to do it solo or with a companion or group. Get it scheduled in your calendar now, especially if you'd like to invite others along. With so many things to choose from, people's calendars fill quickly.

5. Create or buy a special decoration that makes you smile and feel good when you see it. Put it some place you'll see it every day and use it as a reminder of the fun and goodness in life to balance out the challenges you face. A balanced life is a healthy life.

6. Volunteer some time doing things that help others this holiday season, like serving food at a shelter, visiting the elderly or others who are homebound, helping out a friend or family member, playing with animals in a shelter, mentoring a child at school, or anything else. Our communities are filled with opportunities.

And remember if you change nothing, nothing changes.