Facing the dragon is easier than avoiding it.

Humans are great at ignoring the things that make us feel uncomfortable inside. We use kids, work, social media and so many other excuses to shut off or shut down inside so we don't have to feel what we don't want to feel. It's how many people survive the stress of life.

Keeping our mind occupied is one strategy we use to avoid uncomfortable feelings. In psychology it's called distracting. We cover several other strategies in the book After A Breakup HELP (2021). Like the other strategies, distracting only works temporarily. Thoughts stir feelings, so keeping our mind distracted shifts our attention away from the inner pain we're trying to avoid to something else. Since removing distraction leaves a space for our pain to arise, we have to stay distracted to keep avoiding our pain, like a hamster running from it on a wheel.

In American culture we are socially conditioned to believe that productivity equals worth. Value is placed on how much we produce, how much money we make and how much we possess. As a result we over-identify with what we do for a living and under-attend to developing the quality and integrity of our inner selves and character. American society doesn't put much emphasis on the value of tending to feelings and sensitivity. And modern culture is saturated with technological distractions that keep us from experiencing the value of things like emptiness, presence and stillness. As a result most of us are sorely disconnected from our true selves and from the ocean of life we are a part of.

We can change this unhealthy dynamic by giving ourselves the quiet alone time we need to just sit with ourselves, witness, and embrace what feelings arise. Ignoring and resisting feelings only adds to our sense of stress, chaos, and discomfort inside. Yet by giving ourselves space to ground and return to our center, we come home to ourselves where we can finally jump off the hamster wheel and heal.

Making space to be with our emotions may feel uncomfortable at first, but it gets easier the more we do it. One day we come to cherish the quiet, still times we give ourselves. Through deepening into ourselves, the quality of our life can shift for the better and our relationships can become more fulfilling.

Remember if we change nothing, nothing changes.