Love is a hard thing to let go of when we don't want to

In the midst of a breakup have you ever said something like, "But I love them! I don't want to let go! I don't want the relationship to end!" Most of us have experienced that feeling...the heaviness of it like a weight on our heart, the tightness in our chest and the fear that creeps over our body like a wave of chills at the thought.

And yet on some level we know we must let go. Clinging only hurts more, yet we struggle to let go. Why?

The usual answer is fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of missing out on love. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of never finding that kind of love again. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of being alone forever.

Fear is a primal mind, survival instinct thing. It's something the mind does to "keep us safe." Fear is what trips our fight, flight or freeze reaction.

With direct threats a thing of the past in terms of dinosaurs and such, these days our fear mechanisms mostly entice us to not change, to stay in our comfort zone no matter how pointless it may feel to do so...because things are more predictable in our familiar comfort zone. We know what to expect and how to play the game there.

If we venture too far away from our comfort zone, what then? Might we get eaten by a tiger? The realm beyond our comfort zone is unknown territory. Anything could happen and our conditioned mind hates not knowing, not anticipating, not having control. Since it is bent on survival, it will almost always imagine the worst.

So how do we let go when we really don't want to? When every fiber of our being is in resistance? When we are terrified?

Oh yes, it takes a mighty courage. But really all it takes is an ownership of our deepest truth—that truth we're trying so hard to ignore, the one dwelling in our infinite heart that's been shouting at us for months, asking for change, asking for peace, asking for more than the crumbs we're being given or the struggle we're enduring. But let's be aware not to confuse our heart truth with the blabber of our conditioned mind. For more on that, see Making sense of the shadow or How we're getting it wrong as humans.

This is an outcry of the soul, our soul, for breath and life and joy! The soul longs for truth and fulfillment. Its greatest desire is to evolve. Yet it cannot evolve on crumbs, broken promises, disrespect, disappointment, self-doubt or self-neglect.

The soul, our soul, needs our clearest attention, our highest devotion and our committed heart to honor its voice above all others. This is not selfish. It's self-aware and care. We are in the best position to be of powerful service in the lives of others when we ourselves are full, not starving and struggling.

Sharing compassion, joy and love comes easy when we are overflowing with them inside—compassion toward ourselves, joy bursting from our heart, love flowing to spare and share. When we come to that, letting go of the people, places and things that don't serve an end to suffering becomes easy, a natural flow rather than a struggle, the next right aligned action on our path. And we do it with ease and grace. What a gift.

remember that nothing changes if we change nothing.