One thing I regularly hear from clients is this: "My head knows what I need to do but my heart just won't listen. It won't let go."
Despite what you may think, this is actually backwards! Your heart knows what to do, but your head just won't listen. Your heart is home to your deepest truth, while your head is home to your conditioned fears.
Now, I hear what you're probably thinking, and it's something like, "But if I listen to my heart, it desires my ex, and I know I shouldn't or can't go back." Let me take a moment to clear this one up, because it's a big one.
First thing is that the heart holds love. That's what it is designed to do. And it will even hold love for a toxic ex. But it's not that feeling of love for the ex that you're in a struggle with. It's all the rest of it. It's all the mental bullshit racing through your mind and stirring up your emotions and fears, and the desires and drives of your ego.
Second, desire does not equal love. Let me repeat that because it's important: desire does not equal love. Genuine love is pure, unconditional, unattached, and freely shared. While desire may be a part of how we experience loving someone, it is not love itself. In fact, it's hormones...
If that confuses you, you're not the only one. Nearly every woman in my After A Breakup HELP program is confused by this idea until we unpack it and they start working with the tools. But it's important to understand that this is backwards, because correcting this error is essential to your journey out of painful experiences, including toxic relationships.
This is about placing your personal power in its proper home where it originates and belongs—in your heart. When you can do that, and guide your life from your heart wisdom instead of from your conditioned mind, well, that's when you free yourself from the struggle. That's when you begin to step into sovereignty. And that's when your life begins to align with what you really want.