PART 3: Are you missing the boat on love?

It's a curious thing that when I start talking about genuine loving, I hear things from clients like, "I don't want to be anyone's doormat!"


Who said anything about being a doormat? Women seem to hold a belief that says, "Unconditional or genuine loving means you put up with other people's toxic bullshit." I'm here to tell you that this is absolutely wrong—error thinking through and through. And here's why...


Unconditional or genuine loving does not involve being a doormat or putting up with other people's toxic bullshit because unconditional or genuine loving starts with unconditional, genuine self-loving. And you're not being self-loving if you allow yourself to be a doormat and put up with other people's toxic bullshit.


Genuine self-loving means we honor our truth, maintain healthy personal boundaries, and embrace our personal power. In a nutshell, it means becoming sovereign. From a place of sovereignty, we extend genuine love to ourselves first, and stop treating ourselves in unloving ways.

Through sovereignty and genuine self-love, we stop allowing others to treat us in unloving ways too. When we master that, we are in a better position to both receive and offer genuine loving in an open, empowered way instead of a fearful, controlling one.


Not many, if any, of us grow up learning how to genuinely love ourselves, which is why this is another focus of my After A Breakup HELP program. I see it all the time—women who are 100% clear about what they don't want, but have no idea how to truly embrace and love themselves as a start to creating what they do want.


Why is it so hard for us to genuinely love ourselves? I unpack this question in PART 4…