Updated: Aug 7
When the relationship road we are walking along comes to an end, it feels devastating. We feel devastated. "Why?" we ask, "why can't we work this out after all these years together. Isn't it worth it? Aren't I worth it? How could you do this to me?"
It's personal, or at least it feels personal. We feel rejected, discarded, undervalued, betrayed, and hurt. We question ourselves and our worth. We blame ourselves, desperately wishing we'd done things differently...not said that thing, not reacted in that way, been more open during that encounter, as if any of that would have made the difference.
It might have, but we were not the only player in the partnership. It takes two to make a relationship work and to keep it healthy, fulfilling, and thriving, not one. One person cannot hold a relationship together.
Finding ourselves alone (again) is disheartening and discouraging. It stirs up fear of being along forever. Nobody wants that. We long for connection, intimacy, and companionship. We crave the comfort of a "comrade in arms" to be there and support us through life's ups and downs, not because they have to or feel obligated to, but because they genuinely love us and want to.
The problem is that we seek that comrade in the wrong place—outside of ourselves. Until we are that person within ourselves and for ourselves first, we will live our lives feeling less than whole, unloved, undervalued, and alone. It's through the journey of genuine self-loving that we find what our heart seeks most...
We've all heard about "self-love" and how essential it is for relationships. In my coaching, I find that many women confuse "self-love" with "selfishness," yet the two are very different! This is something we tackle in the HELP program and guidebook because it is true that without this foundational piece in place, our relationships will struggle and we will continue to suffer.
Learning how to genuinely love ourselves puts us into a more evolved state of awareness and onto a different game board in life where the tools and norms are different, more emotionally and spiritually healthy. And that is when our life begins to change for the better.