We all learn how to survive growing up. The problem is that the strategies we learn to survive as a vulnerable kid don't translate well into our adult lives, and create problems in our relationships.
For example, as the youngest of six girls myself, I learned to get needs met by rebelling, getting angry, lashing out, pouting, crying, ignoring, hiding, or using other strategies. Our strategies become our auto-pilot "modus operandi" as adults, held in place and run by our ego / ego mind / pain body / conditioned self / subconscious mind (whatever term works for you; they all point to the same thing).
Breaking these problematic, habitual strategies is key to forming genuinely loving relationships in our lives as adults. How do we do that? We have to see our strategies clearly, and then we have to know how to shift them, and what to shift them to that is helpful instead of hurtful.
This is part of what inspired my After A Breakup HELP program, the video classes and guidebook I developed for women struggling after a breakup. I went through it myself, dropped into a pit of hell, and found my way out using the techniques I teach. I'm so proud of all the women who have participated in the HELP program so far because they are mastering this challenge in their lives. This time, they won't repeat old mistakes. It's beautiful to see. Way to go ladies!