Listen my friend, if you've had a breakup and are struggling to get past it in a positive and productive way, let me tell you I have a solution...
This is not stuff we just know.
We don't know how to overcome the heart-wrenching debilitating pain of a breakup; or how to "stop loving" someone we've spent lots of (intimate) time with, or how to stop obsessively thinking about it so we can function; or how to get past feelings of embarrassment, shame, or worthlessness; or how to rebuild our sense of self from the ground up. Nope, women are taught how to fit in, be polite and helpful, stay safe, look good, make others happy and not rock the boat.
The first painful breakup I struggled with hit at age 25 in the midst of my graduate studies. I was devastated even though I initiated it. I hadn't anticipated what came after, how I would feel, or what to do if I realized I made a mistake. I barely recovered from that breakup and certainly didn't add anything new to my relationship skills.
Back then I was young and naive. As I grew older I thought things would be different because I would be different. But they weren't; not really. Every relationship I had looked similar to the previous one, and the breakups were painful and difficult to recover from.
The thing is—none of us are taught how to recover from a breakup. It's not a subject in school, and no one really likes to think or talk about it. These are pursuits we hope to not have to learn as we settle into our grown-up lives. And when we witness the pain of friends or family going through a breakup, we remember that terrible feeling, thank God it's not us, and pray it never is again.
Then one day down the road as we're faced with yet another breakup, we start to wonder about that happily ever after story and question what's wrong with us. We don't understand what happened or how to fix it so it doesn't happen again. We struggle to hold our chin up and face each day. And we fear we'll never find lasting love or be happy again.
If you're like me and most women I know, you love deep and wide. You give your relationship your all. You not only commit to it but you invest in it. You want it to work, to make your partner happy, to be their world. And you go to almost any length to achieve this at almost any cost. Why not? You love them.
But this is not real love. This is attached love. And there's a BIG difference.
Years ago after a particularly devastating breakup, I thought I might never embark on love again. It was just so very painful and I was taken to an all-time low point inside. I believed there was something wrong with me that I could not keep love. And I was tired of trying.
During that time I met a spiritual teacher who told me one secret to love was not closing my heart to it, but opening my heart to it. I shared my fear in doing this because of how devastated love had left me and how tired I was of recovering from its loss. He assured me it was not love that hurt, but what I did with it; and it was not love that left me, but me that left love.
I didn't understand. In that moment began my quest to learn about real love, not romantic love. I wanted to love without attaching my world to that love, so when the relationship inevitably ended by decision or death, it would not shatter me to bits. It may not have been the best motivator but it was a GREAT question to ask.
I found the RIGHT GUIDANCE with the RIGHT MENTORS. I studied, learned, practiced, healed and evolved on the inside. And you know what? I found what I was looking for: genuine love, happiness, and fulfillment.
Today I live and love without attachment (for the most part), fully committed and embracing each moment, unafraid of the letting go that is an inevitable part of this reality. But nothing is perfect either. I continue to learn, grow and evolve.
This life is an adventure of the spirit, a journey of our ever-evolving Soul. We can use the challenges that come with it as inspiration to uplift us or we can use them to tear us down. We can hide in pain and suffering or we can live in joy and fun. We can close ourselves to the gifts of real love or open to them.
I've learned how to use difficulties to uplift me rather than tear me down. YOU can learn how too. It takes specific techniques that create real change inside. That's why I'm writing you this letter...
Fast forward to today. Am I upset about my recent breakup? You bet I am! I felt deeply hurt, deceived, betrayed and misunderstood. And yet I miss my ex. I miss our life. I miss what we shared that worked. Isn't that CRAZY?
This breakup was my worst. I committed everything I had to that relationship. I left our home, friends, community and our life together. My finances have dramatically shifted, and I'm left with nothing tangible to show for our many years together. Life feels empty at times.
Yet despite difficult circumstances, I'm not devastated, depressed or dead inside like before. What's the difference?
Let me tell you, the difference is I built a solid foundation inside that doesn't falter under challenges like painful breakups. It wobbles, but it doesn't falter. And I want that for YOU too because the thought of repeating the struggle is a terrible option!
Right now you have this amazing chance to completely shift what's happening in your life. You can put all the pain you're feeling behind you. You can break free from the situation that's hurting you. You can stop hoping and wishing for things to change and actually change them. It's not hard to do; in fact it's a heck of a lot easier than what you've BEEN doing!
If this is something you want, don't let excuses stop you again because sometimes there's no second chances and this is one of those times. This is it; this is GO TIME! You either sink or swim right now. But YOU have to decide.
Remember what you get for joining:
freedom from the pain you're caught in
step-by-step guidance with everything you need
ongoing one-on-one Coaching to stay on track
regular video calls with me and H.E.L.P. members as a group
a Core Healing Session to dig deep
membership in a secret H.E.L.P. group for ongoing help and support
PLUS access to the seminar's life-changing CONTENT and UPDATES forever, including:
how to stop painful and obsessive thoughts
how to relieve painful feelings
how to step into your personal power
how to clear the past and start fresh
a must-know secret to manifesting what you want
a special technique to truly let go so you can move on
what to do about regrets
a step-by-step forgiveness process
what self-love really means and how to master it
So do yourself a HUGE favor and JUMP INthis time; just THIS ONCE, do it for YOU. Because you have nothing to lose and SO MUCH TO GAIN. And that's all I'm going to say about THAT.