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The other day in my After A Breakup: Finding peace and power online women's group, the BIG spiritual teaching around non-attachment came up, and it arose within the context of manifesting. What most folks don't realize is that mastering non-attachment is one KEY to manifesting. And that non-attachment is more about what you do with your energy than what you do in your mind, though they are intimately connected. You see, there are specifics to manifesting that involve your energy—the energy of your conscious and subconscious thoughts, plus the energy of the feelings you access when connecting with your dream. Those feelings carry a frequency that allows the Universe or Source to respond more easily and accurately to your dream. That's because feelings pack a more intense frequency than thoughts do. To unpack this a bit more, there are four primary mistakes most of us make in relation to manifesting:
Let me give you an INSIDER'S TIP: navigating all four of these in a specific way is essential to successful manifesting! This particular blog is about #4, or how our attachments block our dreams from manifesting.  The key is in realizing that when it comes to manifesting, when I say "non-attachment," I don't mean that you detach from what you dream of. I mean that you detach from HOW your dream comes to you. That is essential because the mind imposes tremendous limitations on the possibilities, based on our conditioning. When we connect to the frequency of our dream and then release HOW it shows up, that's when the energy can start to open up and flow.
As long as we stay attached in our head about it, the mind and its thoughts will throw up barriers based on our subconscious fears and conditioning. For example, it will start streaming thoughts like, "But that's impossible. It never happens that way" or "What you want doesn't exist. It's a fairytale" or "You can't afford that car, so just give it up" or "You're not in a position to get that, you don't have the resources so forget it" or "You're not good/pretty/thin enough." These are examples of subconscious thoughts that keep the stream of energy holding our dream from connecting with us in real time. When we RELEASE all those limiting thoughts, ideas, and stories about why it CAN'T happen—the ones that come from a sense of lack—then Source can connect us with the frequency of our dream, and magic happens! For most of us, getting to the point where we operate out of a prosperity mindset instead of a scarcity mindset takes inner healing work. That's because most of us grew up with some version of scarcity mindset in our lineage, so it is deeply embedded in our psyche. Yet, it can be fairly easily cleared with specific energy techniques such as those I teach and use to help clients unblock their life force. These are also topics we unpack directly and deeply in the After A Breakup H.E.L.P. program. It's funny how the wisdom of that program applies to so much more than post-breakup thriving...
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Let me tell you a story about a miracle in my life. One day I went to the local Toyota dealership with a friend who was looking for a truck. I wasn't shopping, my friend was. In fact, I was dawdling around outside when she came out and said something like, "There's a car inside that you might want to see." I thought, nah, I can't afford any of these, but I followed her inside anyway. I really needed a new car and in doing research, I'd discovered that what I really wanted was a Toyota Prius hybrid, but then gave up on it after seeing the price tag. I wasn't actively shopping for a car that day, but when I walked inside, there in the middle of the showroom floor was my car—the exact one I'd secretly been wishing for...right down to the color! I mean, this car had everything I'd dreamed of—leather seats, nice sound system with a cd player, white exterior, gray interior, antilock brakes, all the airbags and safety features, and it was a four-door hatchback...with a price tag that was about $11,ooo less than any I'd seen in my research, so I could actually afford it.  We took the car for a spin, and to my friend's trepidation and surprise, I bought that car on the spot! She kept asking me questions like, "Are you sure? Don't you want to test drive any others? Don't you want to keep looking?" No, no, no was my answer. I knew without a doubt that this was my car. Later that evening after hours of paperwork, I drove it home with a huge smile on my face. That was over 8 years ago and I still love my car.
How is it possible that everything I dreamed of in a car could show up out of the blue for a price I could afford when everything I researched said it did not exist? This kind of experience feels like a miracle, yet it's actually about our energy. What I'm talking about is c0mmonly known as manifesting. We've all heard that term. It really took off after the movie The Secret came out, but few of us feel that we are any good at it, and most people I know are skeptical that it really works. I used to be one of those people. I'm not anymore because I've learned that energy awareness is at the heart of manifesting. Manifesting has most to do with frequency, and frequency is energy...and I've come to understand a lot about how energy works. In the case of my car, what I did was research what I wanted—a Prius hybrid. Then in my imagination, I felt the excitement of how it would be to own one without concern over the cost, and how fun it would be to drive it. I imagined myself listening to music while I drove, feeling proud to be in a hybrid, and how good it would feel to own that car. All of this is typical manifesting work. But then this happened: when I researched them and realized they were out of my price range, I released that dream because it felt out of reach and impossible. I didn't choose another car because I didn't really want any other car, but I kept researching, hoping I'd land on something that would feel okay. What I failed to realize at the time was that by dreaming the dream and then releasing it, I actually allowed it to manifest! When we get out of our thoughts (which confound energy) and rest into our feelings (which stimulate energy), we plant seeds into the infinite realm of possibility. And when we release our attachment to how those feelings are brought into our reality, we allow the Universe or Source to answer in unlimited and unexpected ways...like putting the perfect car in the perfect dealership on the perfect day with all the perfect perks at the perfect (unimaginable) price for me. I never imagined there was a way for me to buy that car. I just assumed it was an impossible dream. But when allowed to flow freely (i.e., without the constraints of my mind), the Universe answered in its amazing, unlimited capacity to do so. In the case of my car, the Universe manifested one that was a floor demo from the previous year. Since the new models had arrived, they were anxious to ditch the "old" ones. My car is a 2012 model that I bought in 2013 with all of 9 miles on it for an unbelievable price that I could easily afford and never imagined was possible because my research said it wasn't so. Once I dreamed the dream and then released it, I set it free to manifest in whatever way the Universe arranged...and it did. This is how energy moves through our lives, and although in the example of my car I didn't see it until it happened, the point is that it does happen, every day, all the time. We just have to understand how energy works and learn to work with it instead of against it. That generally means knowing the proper way to ask for what we want, clearing the inner obstacles that block its flow into our life, and then noticing what shows up, which is all fairly easy to do once we know how. I've been called many things in my 57 years of walking this planet, but the one thing that annoys me most is being told that I'm "too sensitive." Any more, I don't take that personally, but back in the day, it made me angry. What I heard when people told me I was "too sensitive" was that my open, loving, sensitive heart made me a bad person or was a bad thing. And that didn't resonate with me. I kept thinking, "How is feeling things and loving things deeply a bad thing? " Well, today I know that there is a way it can be hurtful rather than helpful, but that's because we don't know how to manage the depth of our sensitivities in an empowering way. When we learn that, our sensitivities shift from a challenge to a gift in our lives.  If you've been accused of being "too sensitive," what that can really mean is any of the following:
Being an empath or being energetically sensitive is different from being reactionary, although we may experience more intense emotional reactions to things when we are energetically sensitive. We may also experience heightened passion around things that we emotionally connect with, which is generally everything...! Or we may find ourselves isolating or avoiding interactions in order to find some peace and calm inside. Being an empath or an energetic sensitive doesn't make us bad people, and it also doesn't make us special people. Every human being is designed and born to be an empath and energetically sensitive, but our skill in nourishing and mastering this capacity in useful ways is not only ignored, but tends to be conditioned out of us as we grow up. My view is that humans are, generally speaking, spiritually immature beings, and we want so badly to fit in and feel accepted, safe, and loved that we compare ourselves to others and then hurt each other in a feeble attempt to feel better about ourselves. But we are all capable of greatness and emotional depth when we shed the obstacles that keep us from it. We don't have to get or learn anything new. We just have to access what we already have, what's in our innate nature, that we've lost touch with inside. You may be wondering how you can turn your energetic sensitivities into a gift that serves you rather than hurts you. Once you know how to activate and cultivate a new kind of relationship with your energy sensitivities, it's actually fairly easy to do. And when you're ready to embrace this journey, you'll know. Personally, I've been teaching clients specific techniques for how to master their energy sensitivities for over a decade. I share the techniques that I used to get a handle on my own sensitivities, so I not only know how they work but that they work. They are also a part of my transformational coaching and core healing sessions, as well as the After A Breakup H.E.L.P. program I guide women through. So don't be upset if you're told you are "too sensitive" or "too emotional." I invite you to smile with delight at anyone who calls you that, knowing it's actually a gift, not a curse, once you learn how to master it. But don't get too cocky just yet! Take steps to make sure that your sensitivities are genuine rather than wound- or trauma driven, because that adds a whole other layer to be addressed. Are you an empath or a sensitive? If you were, how would you know? How can you discern if your psychic experiences are genuine or are being stimulated by something else—like, say, mental illness or chemical imbalance?
Over the years as a school psychologist, and later beyond that arena, I frequently got that question from concerned teachers, parents, teens, and adults. Something unusual would happen or there would be heightened emotional expression or experience, and they feared that it meant something was wrong...perhaps a psychic or emotional breakdown, or mental illness was showing itself. On occasion that was true, but more often than not in my experience, there was something else surfacing—namely, psychic capacity and energetic sensitivity. I've heard story after story of kids seeing spirits, ghosts, or entities in their room at night, not from nightmares but just because they could. Or having allies that no one else could see, not only invisible friends, but others. Or communicating with things they were told couldn't talk back, like animals or trees. Or hearing voices in their head. Perhaps you've had experiences like that. Most people who do, don't talk about it much, for fear of being judged in a negative way. We have to remember that it wasn't all that long ago that intuitive, psychic seers and healers stopped being crucified in some horrific manner. When I was a kid, I talked to trees, animals, birds, bugs, frogs, lizards...you name it, I talked to it in my head. I didn't do it out loud because I learned quickly that I would be made fun of, embarrassed, and chastised for it. I had a sensitivity to life and a yearning to protect it, no matter what "it" was—a tree, a flower, a cat or dog, a gerbil, a rabbit, a butterfly, a bird, a doodlebug, a frog...whatever. I've been called many things for this sensitivity—a baby, overly emotional, too sensitive, too serious, a puritan, too picky, weak, pollyanna, arrogant, a bleeding heart, a mush, a softy, a liar, or been told my expectations are too high. None of this is true. The truth is that I honor my sensitivities as best as I can in a world full of harshness and cruelty, and I honor the mystery and sanctity of life above anything else. The challenge is that here in the U.S. (and I could argue all over the earth) we've rapidly grown into a culture of greed, convenience, and comfort over value, integrity, and sanctity. That is a BIG problem. We've lost trust and faith in ourselves, in each other, and in life itself. We've become a culture of competition and division instead of compassion and collaboration. We've separated ourselves out from nature as if we aren't a part of it. And we are dying for it, quite literally. All that aside, it is my belief that we are all born with psychic capacity and energetic sensitivity. Why wouldn't we be, when we come straight from the all that is, infinite life force or Source? If you think about it, as newborns we can't see clearly and don't have structured language or thought, so we are basically one big eating, breathing, peeing and pooping lump of magically mechanical psychic matter! The Buddhist tradition addresses this beautifully when it speaks of existence as a mystery. It points out that for some unknown reason, a wave of energy rises up out of the infinite field of all that is and expresses itself as something in this reality, and then eventually descends back into the infinite field from which it came. No one knows why or how this happens. It just happens. It is the mystery of life. So if all existence, including humans, is born out of the same energetic Source, it makes sense that on some level, we share a psychic connection with the rest of life. I believe that we do, that we are born with it. And I also believe that this connection or wisdom is socialized and conditioned out of us as we grow up, by virtue of it being ignored, neglected, judged, and/or feared and punished. Yet believe it or not, accept it or not, it is a part of who we are. I've heard so many stories from women in particular who tell me things like, for example, they know a call is coming before the phone rings, or that someone they love is in trouble or has died before it's confirmed, or that they are going to encounter something specific in their environment before they do. Women have also told me they hear others' voices in their head, talk to the deceased, see shadowy figures lurking about, and feel in their bodies when something is "off," like a warning signal that something big and/or unsettling is happening or coming. I've experienced these things myself over the years. We tend to brush off these inner knowings for all the reasons I've already mentioned, but they are actually pointing us back to our true psychic nature and our energetic sensitivity. These are helpful, intuitive gifts, not things to be ignored, dismissed, or shunned. All we need for them to flourish within us is a bit of TLC and some skill in knowing how to manage our bodies as the energy flows through, and what to do with the insights that come to us, like how to sort what is relevant, real, and sharable from what is simply for us to know. Ask yourself, have you ever felt that something more was going on beyond the scene or seen? Have you had psychic experiences that you keep quiet about, or innocently brush off, or fear mean you're crazy, or fear you'll be judged for? Most of us can point to something from our childhood or lives that was beyond the ordinary, that awoke us to the larger, infinite arena of life and energy that we participate in. And most of us know on some level that our intuition, sensitivity, and psychic capacity is real and strong. It's just a matter of owning it, honoring it, and growing our relationship with it rather than hiding it. There are ways to set boundaries for ourselves around our capacities. We don't have to spend our lives feeling overwhelmed by what we feel or experience, or afraid to speak about it. I've learned that ignoring it or pretending it doesn't exist only adds to our inner stress, pain, and struggle...  Every six months or more, I assess my "situation" in the energy of the full moon. I check in on how things in my life feel, and how I feel in relation to them. It's a clarifying investigation that helps keep me on track to my most fulfilling life experience. I've learned that we are at our most fulfilled in life when our energy is clear and magnetic, our chakras healthy and flowing, and our sense of personal power activated. This means that our will, our heart, and our mind are decluttered and all on the same page, aligned toward a unified intent. THAT'S when things can really begin to happen for us. Today we are smack dab in the midst of an Aquarian full moon. It's a great time to do inner investigation and a mini life review. The energy of this moon feels soft and seductive, nourishing to the soul. And the frequency it carries invites a specific type of inner exploration... So, August 23-25 is a great window to investigate what lessons you have learned during the past year, that you are ready to "close out." Full moon energy is all about closure and completion, and THIS particular full moon, even more so. It's a perfect time to tie up loose ends, make choices linked to your long term future, wrap up projects you've been working on, and release the lessons you feel complete with. The thing is—energetically speaking, when we have a bunch of loose ends hanging about, unresolved decisions to make, incomplete projects, things we changed our mind about but haven't cut from or officially released, and old baggage weighing us down, our energy remains tangled up in things that aren't moving us forward. This keeps us feeling frazzled and stuck in what we don't enjoy. We may not "get" that that's what's happening, but if we look, we can see the evidence of it in our lives. We feel scattered, tense, overwhelmed, tired, indecisive, anxious, unhappy, unfulfilled, depressed, and any number of other dense frequencies. This typically means our energy is locked up in our lower chakras, leaving us unfocused, unclear, and unable to take empowered actions on our behalf. It's difficult to accomplish anything under these sluggish energetic conditions. It doesn't have to be this way. Full moon energy is a GREAT time for women in particular to revamp our frequency by clearing out the stagnation we've accumulated inside. The moonlight's frequency carries a feminine vibe. We can give our heaviness to the moon by bathing in her light and letting her nourishing frequency wash the stagnation and heaviness out of our body. And we can invite her gentle touch in to give some much-needed TLC to our chakras, to bring balance to the flow of our energy, and to open up our creativity. To do so, simply sit in the moonlight and feel the moonbeams as a stream of clear, pure light washing over you, taking the heaviness with it from crown to tailbone or feet, and depositing the residues of that heaviness you carry into the earth for purification. Then, you can invite creative inspiration to awaken inside by focusing your attention on your belly just below the naval, and breathing new life into that area of your body. This area is the energetic home of our sacral chakra where inspiration and creativity arise. Sitting and breathing in this way for even a few conscious minutes leaves us feeling purified, lighter, more at ease, and perhaps more spiritually awake and inspired. I encourage you to bring more awareness to how your energy body impacts your sense of wellness, inspiration, motivation, and fulfillment, and begin taking steps to nourish yourself in new ways (like sitting in the moonlight) that add comfort, ease, and pleasure to your life. It doesn't cost a thing and offers so much goodness. Just remember that working with energy isn't a "mind thing." It's a sensory intuitive thing, so it's not accessed by thinking. It's accessed by experiencing.  "Do you want ego or answers?" I had to ask myself that question once, years ago. I was having a bad time, in the midst of a painful breakup, and in emotional overwhelm on a daily basis. I was really struggling, but not on the outside.
Sometimes I am very independent and stubborn...to my detriment. My astrological sign is Taurus, after all, so having a propensity for stubbornness is one of our traits. All you Taurians out there know what I'm talking about! Moving myself past that type of energy—the hooves in the dirt, horns pointed in defense, I don't need any help stance—took quite a bit of work on my part. Now, many, many years later, I wonder why I EVER resisted. Golly, healing and evolving is just SO MUCH easier, less painful, and more profound with the right help! So, do you want ego or answers? A long time ago, the genius Albert Einstein spoke to this. He said something like, "You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it." Today I recognize just how profound this wisdom is. Consider what it means, that a new perspective from OUTSIDE of our own mind's parameters is required to truly resolve our suffering. Otherwise, we continue to swim in a narrow, ego-validating, echo chamber that allows us to stay in our comfort zone. It also provides nothing new to 1) challenge our limited views 2) elevate us out of our current suffering, 3) move us beyond the blocks created by our fears, or 4) elevate us out of the useless default habits and strategies of our ego. This is why seeking the right mentor is essential for personal evolution. On our own, we may be able to gain a more clear understanding of what created the conflicts we struggle with, but we can't necessarily access anything new with which to resolve them. That's because, as Einstein said, nothing new comes from the same old limitations of our mental conditioning and structures. True evolution takes an impact from the outside, something that challenges our perspective to the core. We have to step OUT OF our own mind and also (generally) our comfort zone, to access new pathways for genuine healing, awakening, and evolution. Yet, the pathways are already here for us. We don't have to bushwhack our way through the muck. Someone has tread this ground before us. All we need to do is seek the path and follow the overgrown trail that's already there. It's SO much easier to do so, but first we must finally surrender our ego's dominance, and just ask for help. I've come to believe that our soul ensures that we connect with exactly what's needed for us to evolve, once we surrender. And what a GIFT it is to have a knowledgeable guide ahead of us with a BIG flashlight as we trudge our way through the darkest parts of our psyche. I can tell you that the beauty and inner peace beyond the mysterious darkness is totally worth it... Did you know that in order to access genuine fulfillment in life, you must cultivate a relationship with your genuine self? And did you know that by ignoring your genuine self, you keep yourself cycling in unfulfilling, conditioned illusions? How do you imagine your life might change if you shifted this dynamic inside? I can tell you that it's entirely possible to do so. I spent a few decades of my life figuring out how, and cultivating this shift within. This journey changed everything for me. And yes, it's a lifelong endeavor, yet isn't genuine, lasting fulfillment an endeavor worth pursuing? Most of us grow up within conditions that sever our connection to our soul or genuine self from the time we are born. Whereas at birth we enter with a sensory body that is wide open, receptive, and connected to Source, this connection gets broken as we are conditioned into the social norms of our community. And as we grow, we may lose our connection altogether, until such a time when our soul is compelled to evolve, and we are ready to devote ourselves to that evolution. As the world around us continues to change at a more rapid pace than ever before, we too are compelled to change more rapidly. And by change, I mean evolve. We are—each and every one of us—being called to evolve on a soul level. The question is, will you answer that call? Some humans will, and others won't. There's no right or wrong here. There's just the choice that feels most aligned for you and your soul. If you don't know how to hear the voice of your soul, we tackle that in the After A Breakup H.E.L.P. program and this also tends to come up in private sessions with clients. The voice of your intuition or soul has a specific "tone" to it that makes it easy to distinguish from the voice of your conditioned self or ego. Once you know the differences between the two, you can start nourishing your relationship with (and trust in) the voice of your intuitive, soul, or highest wisdom above that of your conditioned self or ego. Years ago I learned this simple, heart-centering and opening practice through the Sufi tradition. It's a great way to begin cultivating a deeper connection with your highest (or infinite) self, the part of you that remains more directly connected to the Supreme Source from which you were created. It's also a helpful tool to use when you feel overwhelmed or fragile. Try it out and see what you think. NOTE: Closing the eyes immediately begins to calm the mind and emotions down by decreasing the visual sensory stimulation that activates them. As always, remember that if you change nothing, nothing changes...
Hello my friend. How are you?
It's a day to day adventure around here. Some days it feels like the gaps between people are steep, deep, and growing, while other days I feel the surge of compassion, unity, and love rise up in defense of peace and harmony. The world is changing quickly, which is nudging us to change more quickly than many of us are used to or comfortable with. So I ask you again, how are you, really? Are you finding peace in genuine connection with others? Is your heart open to hearing, holding, and exploring differing points of view and contrasting beliefs? Do compassion and love supersede righteousness and fear inside? Are you willing to challenge yourself, to enter the realm of personal exposure and vulnerability? These are powerful questions to ponder within, because the answers to such questions are what guide us to either evolve and elevate, or continue to suffer—not only as individuals, but as a people, world, and planet. Until all beings are safe, free, and able to thrive, none of us are...Just sayin'. I bet I'm not the only woman in the world who has said something like, "But I love them! I don't want to let go! I don't want the relationship to end!" Oh how I remember that feeling...the heaviness of it like a weight on my heart, the tightness in my chest, and the fear that crept over my body like a wave of chills at just the thought of it.
And yet, I had to. I had to let go, and on some level, I knew it. Clinging was only hurting me, yet I couldn't let go. Why? The usual answer is fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of missing out on love. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of never finding that kind of love again. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of being alone forever. Fear is a primal mind, survival instinct thing. It's something the mind does to "keep us safe." Fear is what trips our fight, flight, or freeze reaction. With direct threats a thing of the past in terms of dinosaurs and such, these days our fear mechanisms mostly entice us to not change, to stay in our comfort zone no matter how pointless it may be to do so...because things are more predictable in our familiar comfort zone. We know what to expect and how to play the game there. If we venture too far away from or out of our comfort zone, what then? Might we get eaten by a tiger? The realm beyond our comfort zone is unknown territory. Anything could happen, and the mind hates not knowing, not anticipating, not having control. And since it is bent on survival, it will almost always imagine the worst. So how do we let go when we really don't want to? When every fiber of our being is in resistance? When we are terrified? Oh yes, it takes a mighty courage! But really all it takes is an ownership of our highest truth—that truth we're trying so hard to ignore, the one dwelling in our deepest heart that's been shouting at us for months, asking for change, asking for peace, asking for more than the crumbs we are given. This is an outcry of the soul, OUR soul, for breath and life and joy! The soul longs for upliftment and fulfillment. Its greatest desire is to evolve. Yet it cannot evolve on crumbs, and broken promises, and disrespect, and disappointments, and self-doubt, and self-neglect. The soul, OUR soul, needs our clearest attention, our highest devotion, and our committed heart to honor its voice above all others. This is not selfish. It's self-aware. We are in the best position to be of powerful service in the lives of others when we ourselves are full, not starving and struggling. Sharing genuine compassion, joy, and love comes easy when we are filled with them within ourselves first—compassion toward ourselves, joy bursting from our heart, love flowing to spare and share. When we come to that, letting go of the people, places, and things that don't serve our soul's upliftment becomes easy, a natural flow rather than a struggle inside, the next right aligned action on our path. And, we do it with not only ease, but compassion, love and grace. What a gift... During a recent conversation with a friend, it came up that genuine love is freely held, freely given, and formless, yet self-love involves healthy boundaries. This means that while we may hold genuine love for someone, we also may hold healthy boundaries for ourselves in relation to them. Healthy boundaries are a part of being self-loving.
I frequently hear from clients on the one hand, how their ex betrayed them, lied to them, kept hurtful secrets from them, or treated them poorly (in many cases, extremely poorly), and on the other hand, how much they love them and don't want to break up. Why is that? What's behind this inner conflict? There's not one answer to that question, but let me share this: If someone says they love you and they treat you kindly sometimes, yet in unloving or hurtful ways other times, it means they have a distorted and mistaken notion of what genuine love actually is. It also means they struggle to access genuine love inside. And it likely means they are living their lives out of subconscious coping strategies rather than true presence...but they don't yet realize it. This holds true for you as much as it does for them. Strategic love points to inner wounds and habits that thwart genuine love. These are generally put in place to protect ourselves when we are young and vulnerable. While they served us once upon a time, as adults, they become obstacles. From a place of active coping strategies, accessing genuine love is challenging, if not impossible, because our strategies are how we compensate for the places we fear we are not good enough inside. And believing we are not good enough means we are unable to genuinely love our whole selves...which then means we aren't able to share genuine love with others because we can't share what we don't already have. Some people believe they are being genuinely loving of others simply by virtue of showing them kindness. I'm guessing that most of us could say we've been that person at some point in our lives. What I have learned is that such actions, when born out of our (subconscious) coping strategies, are not genuine. They are deeply rooted in something else, something that bears strings and is ultimately self-serving. Some people might even describe such actions as controlling or manipulative, despite how they appear on the surface. As I said before, we can't share what we don't already have. There is a big difference between the energy of genuine love versus strategic love. Genuine love flows freely out of an inner experience of genuine compassion, self-love and a sense of inner wholeness, fullness, and thriving. When we are full and overflowing with pure love inside, we want to—and more easily and joyfully do—share that same sense of love with others. In relationships, this expresses as such things as sacred relating, and genuine joy, compassion, kindness and empathy. In contrast, strategic love flows out of an inner lack of genuine compassion and self-love, and a sense of scarcity, self-judgement or rejection, and survival. When we are full and overflowing with an undercurrent of fear and/or self-rejection inside, we grasp for and cling to the things we believe will relieve it. In relationships, this expresses as such things as unhealthy attachments, distress, neediness, withholding, blaming, passive-aggression, pleasing, control, manipulation, and selfishness. Few people I know are willing to look deeply enough within themselves to resolve the distortions of love they live with. It's a journey not everyone chooses to make, and certainly not one we generally master in a lifetime. It demands a great courage and a precise dismantling of the conditioned habits that (subconsciously) hold our coping strategies and protections in place. And it demands this over and over and over again. Choosing this journey takes the heart and spirit of a warrior, which is where the term spiritual warrior comes from. It refers to the battle within, the one between the conditioned self (our ego, ego mind, ego self, pain body, subconscious psyche, fear, conditioned mind...call it what you will) and the higher self (our essence, intuitive mind, divine self, intuition, pure love, intuitive self, infinite wisdom, genuine self, infinite self, original face), the finite and infinite parts of who we are. And this, my friends, is the journey of spiritual awakening and evolution. I've heard it said that choosing this path is not for the faint of heart, yet in my experience, making this journey is much easier and more fulfilling than living a life controlled by our hidden fears and strategies. Just ask any of the women in my H.E.L.P. program tribe. They are, as I am, living examples of what that journey looks like and the inner fulfillment it offers, even as messy and ugly as it is at times. The path may feel like a scary rollercoaster ride at first, as the car we're riding in clanks and climbs its way upward along the tracks, filling us with anxiety at the unknown realm beyond the next hill's crest. Then suddenly, we are cast wildly downward into the dark, hidden regions of our being. With dedication, eventually the tracks beneath our car and the ground beneath our feet level off, and we come to coast along the path, enjoying the ride and the beautiful scenery around us. |
AuthorThis blog offers alternative insights and practical coaching to help restore a sense of personal power and sovereignty in relation to some of life's challenges. Archives
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